What does “perfect partner” mean and how can Love be everlasting?

Is there an ideal partner? How to recognize it? And even if it exists, and we manage to locate it in the coordinate system of the universe, will it remain so through the changing seasons of life?

We all know from experience, that life is too surprising, varied and sometimes unpleasant, to expect love to come along in a predictable, predetermined way. However, (let us explore if there could be a…) I’m tempted to draw something like a profile of the perfect partner. I will, naturally, speak from my female point of view. Translate it into your own language, the language of perfect love for you. Let’s start.

He looks good, but he does not lack some irregularity of features: for example, a broken nose once or a characteristic birthmark. He is unusually intelligent, but never pedantic; his intellect is tempered with a sense of humor. This is most important of all: humor. He can laugh in bed. He knows how to enjoy himself and has no inhibitions. He can communicate, without idiosyncrasies. He does not compete for medals of daily appreciation and cares without doing it for indulgence. What are his other positive traits? Generosity, tenderness, the understanding that he doesn’t always have to be right, playfulness and the knowledge that the best sex happens when partners share their fantasies. His generosity might be him making an omelette on Sunday mornings, or playing the right sond at the right time, saying a right word when I’m down. And he can have a great time on his own. He is honest and has that old-fashioned quality called integrity. He’s emotionally stable and open enough to know what I’m getting into with him, and he doesn’t blame others for his failings and weaknesses. The list could probably go on and on. And over the years it changes.

Is there such a model of all the virtues at all? Or should we give it up? I thought I had written off the “ideal” partner, but in reality, the myths we are fed in childhood never quite go away. It’s just that our idea of perfection is being edited by experience. If you would reach that point of “happily ever after” with the perfect partner – you would stop developing.

After all, the ideal partner is one who sees the best in us and doesn’t give up on that view, even when we’re shaken to our core. When his love is not only for who you are, but also for who you might become; with his vision he helps you find the way to yourself. With such strength on our side, we can bring forth our best, and give back more of the same.

A relationship that lasts is constantly changing. The ideal partner transforms himself and the other through love, every day. The two are connected in their readiness to be transformed, to surrender themselves to each other, to enjoy unreservedly, limitlessly, obscenely, not to the perfect image in front of them, but to the perfect feeling in themselves. And what happens between them remains a mystery.

Tom Robbins writes: “When the mystery of a relationship goes away, so does the love. It’s so simple. For us, love is not so important as the mystery itself. A love affair may simply be a way of confronting the enigma, and we long for the love to continue so that the ecstasy of intimacy with the enigma may continue. If the riddle stands still, it contradicts the laws of nature, and yet, it is always nearby, somewhere – a world on the other side of the mirror, a promise in another pair of eyes that smile at us. The romance of new love, the romance of velvet, the romance of ancient pyramids and distant stars – these are just ways of approaches to meeting the mystery. And yet we don’t know how to keep it forever. But I can and will remind you of two of the most important facts I know:

1. It’s all part of romance
2. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

In order to keep Love alive and thriving, one should look no further from the balance, the balance of giving and receiving. If one of the partners gives more in the relationship for a long period of time, then disbalance occurs and all of a sudden conflicts that have never been before start to arise.

And last, but not least, keeping Love requires being at peace with the otherness of the other. The truth is, that no matter what great love you are experiencing with someone, you are one universe and the other is another universe – literally. You come from a certain family system, with its stories, history and burdens. So does the other. The only way to preserve love and make it everlasting is when each partner accepts the other as he/she is. The moment you try to change your partner, of course for their own good and out of the noblest intentions, you have waved love “goodbye”. Imagine for a moment, that your partner is standing in front of you and says to you “I accept you as you are, exactly as you are”. What happens inside of you when you hear these words? What happens to your partner when you say the same?
Usually deep relaxation.

I would like to finish with a insightful quote from Bert Hellinger, founder of the Familly Constelltion method:
“The other day, I was thinking about love. I imagine somebody tells another person “I love you.” A husband tells his wife, a man tells a woman, “I love you.” It touches the hearts of both. But does it have strength? Is the love as it is expressed at the moment strong enough to last a lifetime, even when difficulties arise? No, it is too weak.

There should be something added to this sentence. “I love you” should be followed by “and that which guides me and you.”
I love you – and that which guides me and you. If both partners say this, the statement has strength.

But what does it mean in real life? It means that they may be together for a while, led on the same path for a time, but then it may occur that they are led in different directions. At that moment, when they separate on one level, they both say, “I love you – and that which guides me and you.” Even if there is a separation or an alienation connected with this, the love remains at a very deep level.

This kind of love is the basis for respect. I respect a person when I tell her, “I love you – and that which guides me and you”. I love you exactly as you are, because I see what guides you and me.” And for self-respect, it is the same. I look at myself exactly as I am and say, “Yes, I love myself – and that which guides me.”

With parents and children, we have the same situation. Parents look at their children and say, “I love you – and that which guides you and me.” And children look at their parents and say, “I love you – and that which guides me and you.” They are all individuals and yet they are connected in a very deep way.”